Today I rolled my ankle =(

Today I pwned some guy in basketball, I was draining 3's and making it rain on the inside too! I was literally "on fire"! But the guy I owned just happened to be a firefighter and he was having none of that "on fire" business. He sledgehammer'd me in the ankle and said something about it being his job to put out fires. I don't think he realized that when I said I was on fire that I meant it metaphorically. Needless to say I wasn't able to get my swell on in my legs like I had planned, instead I did back. I probably looked stupid limping around the gym, but I still managed to get and epic swell going, even with a swollen ankle! Go big or go home, that's what Bryan always says!

An elderly lady called my work last week wanting help with her phone....

She started by telling me that she had bought the phone set from our store and she claimed that it wasn't allowing people to call her. Now it's not my job to give tech support but I don't mind helping people out. I started with a few questions like "Is everything plugged in?", "can you make calls?". After a few minutes of not really getting anywhere, I offered to call her number so that I could experience the problem first hand. So I call her number and she picks up! She seemed very shocked. "I don't understand" she said. Then I made the mistake of saying "maybe nobody is trying to call you?" She sounded very sad and said "ok, thank you sir" and hung up.

I felt terrible. So now I call her every night around 11 and just breathe into the handset. Kidding!...







..I call at 10. /Stinson Out.

FML (Fuck my legs)

Why wont they grow!! GAHHHH%$%@#!

My prediction for Harry Potter part 2!!

Dumbledore comes back to life and kills Harry. Snape was secretly in love with Harry and takes his own life upon discovering this. Voldermort having just realized that he has no nose and also having just lost his right hand man (Snape), but more importantly having just realized that he has NO NOSE!; becomes super enraged and sets off on a journey to kill zombie Dumbledore. Harry now comes back to life and teams up with his mortal enemy, Draco Malfoy; also to kill Dumbledore. Snape having taken a sleeping potion instead of poison now wakes up. Having failed to kill himself and feeling betrayed by Dumbledore having killed his love, Harry; he also sets off to kill Dumbledore. Ron and Hermione are bored, so they also set off to kill Dumbledore! As sure as fate would have it they all happen to converge at the exact same time. Upon seeing that Harry is alive Snape blushes like mad and then giggling like a little girl; dissaparates into thin air. Now Voldemort, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Malfoy, and Dumbledore are all face to face. They all quicky dress-robe up! (wizard's equivalent to a suit) and burst into a spontaneous song about how awesome Barney Stinson is.

THE END

BREAKING NFL NEWS

Training at the NFL's Cowboys stadium was delayed nearly two hours this morning, after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the ground.

Practice was immediately suspended, while police and Homeland Security officials were called to investigate.

After a complete analysis, Dallas Police forensic experts determined that the white substance, unfamiliar to most of the players, was in fact, the goal line.

Practice will resume this afternoon after Police decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

Colorado Judge gives 7 year old right to decide custody.

A seven year old boy was at the center of a county courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him..
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Time to get classy

Listen up bros, the slootpocalypse that is Halloween has passed. It is time once again to be classy.

So..
1. Suit up!
2. Get out your drink of choice.
3. Open 3 tabs on your favorite browser.
4. Open this on tab 1
5. Open this on tab 2
6. And this on tab 3
7. Sip drink, be classy.

/Stinson out.